80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At


Here's a fun fact for you: Do you know why we call cringe-worthy jokes "corny"? It started in the early 20th century, when mail-order seed catalogs tried to make their boring products more entertaining by telling dad jokes and including really terrible puns. Just how bad were these quips about corn? Here's one for you: "What did the corn say when he was complimented? Aw, shucks." Here's another: "What did one ear of corn say to the other? Don't look now, but we're being stalked." What do you think? Pretty corny, huh? Anyway, that's where funny corny jokes got their start, and the tradition continues today, although they're not exclusive to seed catalogs anymore, and they're rarely (if ever) about farming supplies.

Here are 80 of our favorite funny corny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh, even if the rational part of your brain wants to resist. We promise you, we're not trying to sell you seeds. These best corny jokes are just for your enjoyment.

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80 Corny Dad Jokes

Read on below to get the fun started. After all, everyone loves a good dad joke, no matter how cringe-worthy. And hey, on the off chance you get zero reception for your efforts, you can always set them aside for when you have an audience with someone a little more like-minded. Like your father-in-law. Because all know that guy appreciates a good pun. Now, let's dive in!

How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card!
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle!
What do you call a man that irons clothes?
Iron Man!
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut!
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain!
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool!

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What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?

Shutterstock / Litvalifa

A receding hare line!
Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!
Where does the electric cord go to shop?
The outlet mall, of course!
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback!"
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he's always lion!
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All of the fans left!
What kind of cheese isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!
Why did the fish get bad grades?
Because it was below sea level!
Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
He was a little shellfish!

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Did you hear about the population of Ireland's capital?

Shutterstock / ShotPrime Studio

It's Dublin!
What's a bear with no teeth called?
A gummy bear!
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music!
How do you make a Venetian blind?
Poke him in the eyes!
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale!
Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally!
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because otherwise they'd be called a bagel!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why are elephants wrinkly?
Have you ever tried to iron one?

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How do you make a Swiss roll?

Shutterstock / gualtiero boffi

Push him down a mountain!
How do you impress a female baker?
Bring her flours!
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
With a cow-culator!
How many lips does a flower have?
What's a pepper that won't leave you alone?
Jalapeño business!
What job did the frog have at the hotel?
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Want a piece of me?!"
What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!

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When is a door not a door?

Shutterstock / NeoLeo

When it's ajar!
Why did the baby strawberry cry?
Because his parents were in a jam!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb!
How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!
Why can't you trust duck doctors?
Because they're all quacks!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships!
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What do lawyers wear to work?
They're lawsuits!
What did the bartender say to the ham sandwich who tried to order a glass of wine?
"Sorry, we don't serve food here."
What did one tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
C'mon, ketchup!
What do you call an alligator detective?
An investi-gator!
What does a baby computer call his father?
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!

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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Shutterstock / Who is Danny

Because he couldn't see himself doing it!
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Why did the robber jump in the shower?
Because he wanted a clean getaway!
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk!
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch!
What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here, I'll go ahead!
Why did the restaurant hire a pig?
Because he was good at bacon!
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it would be a piece of cake!
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match!
How did the duck buy lipstick?
She just put it on her bill!
Why should you avoid products with velcro?
Because they're a total rip-off!
Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts?
Because he doesn't want to be spotted!
Why was the man hit by a bike every day?
Because he was stuck in a vicious cycle!
What did the termite say after walking into the bar?
"Is the bar tender here?"
What happens when frogs park illegally?

Shutterstock / Eric Isselee

They get toad!
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless!
Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
Why did the poor man stock up on yeast?
To make some dough!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
What do you call a fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
What happens when you witness an Apple store get robbed?
You become an iWitness!
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one!
Why don't melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe!
What kind of tree can fit inside your hand?
A palm tree!
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
A depresso!
How can you identify a Dogwood tree?
By its bark!