25 Hilarious Jokes from the 1980s That Will Stoke Your Nostalgia
YOU WON'T STOP BELIEVING...IN THESE ONE-LINERS.
Those of us who grew up in the '80s look at the world a little differently than everybody else. We're not afraid of turning up the collar of our polo shirts and wearing some light blue eyeshadow. We think "Born in the U.S.A." should be the national anthem and the Commodore 64 was the best computer money could buy—and sometimes, of course, we just want to shout, shout, let it all out. We know the euphoria of Baby Jessica being rescued from the well, and the smug satisfaction of believing we helped solve world hunger by buying a "We Are the World" cassette single.
Our sense of humor also makes us unique. We laugh at things that might leave other people stone-faced. If our cultural references don't always make sense, well, as that old saying goes, I guess you just had to be there. Here are 25 jokes guaranteed to put a smile on the face of anyone who came of age in the 1980s. As for the rest of you, don't feel bad if these jokes go over your head. Not everyone can grow up in history's greatest decade.
1
Why are valley girls so odd?
John Birdsall / Alamy
They can't even!
2
What's the Queen's favorite Prince song?
Alamy
"Purple Reign!"
3
Why would someone want to have a DeLorean as a second car?
Shutterstock
They could drive it from time to time!
4
What do you get when you cross an '80s hair band with a fish?
Mercury
BonChovy!
5
What kind of beer does Indiana Jones drink to reinforce his courage?
Lucasfilm/IMDB
A Rolling Rock!
6
What's Madonna's favorite sauce?
The Hollywood Archive / Alamy
Hollandaise. Celebrate!
7
What did Darth Vader say when the record store employee told him they were out of George Michael albums?
Columbia
"I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing."
8
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical composers costume party?
Joe Seer/Shutterstock
"I'll be Bach!"
9
What's the name of Mr. T's girlfriend?
Shutterstock
April, fools!
10
What's wrong with that Bonnie Tyler GPS?
Columbia
It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart!
11
Why did the '80s kid always put the manger scene in the middle of the room?
Shutterstock
Because nobody puts baby in the corner!
12
Can you believe that guy thinks he's a better Super Mario player than me?
Shutterstock
He's wrong on so many levels!
13
Why couldn't the Ghostbusters ever finish Oregon Trail?
Shutterstock
Because they couldn't cross the streams!
14
How does David Byrne from Talking Heads look these days?
Shutterstock
He's the same as he ever was, same as he ever was!
15
What do you call a special interest group devoted to getting Pac-Man elected to a political office?
Shutterstock
A Pac-PAC!
16
Which film won't Rick Astley let you borrow from his Pixar collection?
Shutterstock
He's never going to give you Up!
17
Why did Bono fall off the stage?
Shutterstock
He was too close to The Edge!
18
What does Pink Floyd need?
Shutterstock
An education, obviously—seeing as "we don't need no education…" is a double negative.
19
What did the '80s tech employee say was wrong with the printer?
Shutterstock
It was stuck in Depeche Mode!
20
What do '80s kids eat on their toast?
Shutterstock
Jellies and Jams!
21
What did the '80s girl say when someone asked for her digits?
Shutterstock
"867-5309. Just ask for Jenny."
22
What did the patient say when the doctor told him, "Your brain seems to have deleted all information about '80s music"?
Shutterstock
"Oh no. What is The Cure?"
23
Have you heard there's finally going to be a Top Gun 2?
Paramount Pictures
Hopefully, they finally catch those crazy engineers who built a highway that goes directly into the danger zone. [Credit: Stephen Colbert]
24
What's wrong with New Jersey?
Shutterstock
It's OK, but I wish they would bring back Jersey Classic!
25
How come the members of U2 still haven't found what they're looking for?
Shutterstock
Because the streets have no names!
And for more '80s silliness, check out the 25 Reasons We're Glad We Grew Up in the '80s.
To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our daily newsletter!