114 Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Guarantee a Good Time
THESE DIRTY PICK-UP LINES COULD HELP CRUDE HUMORISTS FIND TRUE LOVE... OR LUST.
Attraction can be acted on in different ways. Some folks stick to romantic gestures while others lean toward tender words of affirmation. Of course, there are those who get by with dirty pick-up lines alone. The craziest part? It works. A 2018 study published in Personality and Individual Differences determined that women with less restrictive relationships with sex not only found dirty jokes funnier than cleaner bits of humor, but the men making them more attractive than the more reserved participants hanging around. If that approach seems appealing, then read on. We're bringing you the most salacious pick-up lines the internet has to offer.
How to Use Dirty Pick-Up Lines Successfully
Before we encourage you to go any further, we do want to offer one piece of advice: Don't just throw these lines around carelessly. Please, only use them with those who have already demonstrated an appreciation for joke-driven debauchery. We really don't want to see an innocent attempt at flirting go up in flames. Below, we've outlined a few tips to keep in mind before you try them out.
Understand the Environment
There are certain environments where pick-up lines just don't belong. The same could be said of pick-up lines in general. Unless you're looking for a wildly unfortunate meeting with your HR department, keep them out of the workplace—no matter what. In fact, keep them out of any situation where you need to maintain some semblance of etiquette or professionalism.
Know Your Audience
Just as you don't want to use these lines with your co-workers, you also don't want to use them with people you don't know. Many of these jokes exceed the limit of what you should say to strangers. Remember, you don't know what someone has been through, and you don't know how they may react. So play it cool, and proceed with caution.
Know When to Stop
Even if someone has demonstrated an openness to this kind of humor, and even if you know the person intimately, it's important to know when the gag is up. Just because someone entertained these lines an hour ago doesn't mean they're still open to doing so. Pay attention to the non-verbal cues available. Are they turning away, or avoiding eye contact? If so, they may be uncomfortable with what's being discussed. And if that's the case, it's in everyone's best interest to change gears.
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The Dirtiest Pick-Up Lines You'll Ever Hear
See which dirty pick-up line below brings you the most luck. You can use these gags online, at the bar, or anywhere you see fit.
Hilariously Smooth Pick-Up Lines
Shutterstock / Ground Picture
What is a nice person like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Make out with me if I am wrong, but isn't the Earth flat?
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I'll kiss you in the rain so you get twice as wet.
Don't ever change. Just get naked.
Wanna share your side of the bed tonight?
Want to go halves on a baby?
Can you tell me what time your legs open, please?
I love your shirt, can I try it on in the morning?
I'm having trouble sleeping by myself. Will you stay with me tonight?
I'll show you my tan lines if you'll show me yours.
I'm an adventurer and I want to explore you.
I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
That's a beautiful smile, but it'd look even better if it were all you were wearing.
Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
Do I have to sign for your package?
You're on my list of things to do tonight.
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.
I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity.
If I was the judge, I'd sentence you to my bed.
I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
I'm not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.
You look so good; I wanna kiss your lips and then move up toward your belly button.
Give me your car keys so I can drive you crazy.
Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?
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The Best Pick-Up Lines to Use at Bars
Shutterstock / Joshua Resnick
Hey girl, is your name Winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that drink.
They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?
Is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hot-tea.
I'm afraid of the dark, and my night light went out last night. Will you keep me company tonight?
If you look this good with clothes on, you must be insanely hot without them.
Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
If it's true what they say and we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
I wish I was your phone, so you'd be on me all day.
Are you an exam? Because I have been studying you like crazy.
I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room and help me test all my condoms?
You must be a bowl of cornflakes because I want to spoon you.
I'm a mind reader and yes, I will sleep with you.
Great dress. I'm sorry I'll have to rip it apart.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.
Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
Are you a supermarket sample? Because I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.
Sit on my face and I'll eat my way to your heart.
Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
Do you go to church often? Because you're gonna be on your knees tonight.
Let's play house. You can be the door; then I can slam you all I want.
You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
Are you a sea lion? Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight.
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
Let only latex stand between our love.
Do you have a cell phone in your back pocket? Because your ass is calling me.
Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
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Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Will Get You Laid
Shutterstock / Stas Ponomarencko
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
Want a job? It blows.
Are you my homework? Cause I'm not doing you, but I definitely should be.
Your clothes are making me uncomfortable; please take them off.
I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses… One leg over each ear.
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
Let's play Barbie. I'll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
I bet your nipples are pink. Mind if I take a look?
You're going to have that body for the rest of your life, and I just want it for one night.
Do you have pet insurance? Because your kitty's getting smashed tonight.
Let's help Mother Earth and save water by showering together.
You're so hot even my zipper is falling for you.
One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong?
So you're not into casual sex? That's cool, I'll just put on a tux and we can call it formal.
Are you my new boss? Because you just gave me a raise.
I'm not feeling myself today. Can I feel you instead?
How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered; then, I'll nail you.
Is there space in your mouth for another tongue?
We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.
Your legs are like an Oreo cookie. I wanna split them and eat all the sweet stuff in the middle.
I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?
I'm an adventurer and I want to explore your cave.
I've been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give me some mouth-to-mouth?
Will you help me get on Santa's naughty list this year?
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Cringy Pick-Up Lines You've Never Heard Before
Shutterstock / frantic00
I'm not saying I want your babies, but I wouldn't mind refining my baby-making technique with you.
My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties. Oh, you are? Darn, it must be an hour fast.
There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
I'm like a haunted house—you're going to scream when you get inside me.
What has four legs and doesn't have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Want to fix that?
Are you a nurse? I have a throbbing sensation between my legs that needs to be looked at.
Did you just come out of the oven? Because you're hot.
Are you related to Dracula? Because you looked a little thirsty when you were looking at me.
You're like my pinky toe, I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
Do you like whales? Because we can go hump back at my place.
There's a chill in the air, and I forgot my scarf. Want to wrap your legs around my neck instead?
I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get.
What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
Want to see if you can add "has an awesome gag reflex" to your resume?
My doctor told me I have a vitamin D deficiency. Want to go back to my place and fix that for me?
Are you Google? Because you are the first thing that came up when I typed "sexy horny single in your area."
Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.
I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.
Let's go to my place and do some math. Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
You're just like a wine-tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.
I hope you're a plumber because you've got my pipe leaking.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? 'Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
Let's play Titanic. You'll be the iceberg, and I'll go down.
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
Are you a stack of dirty dishes? Because I want to get you wet and do you all night long.
I think my allergies are acting up. Because every time you're around I start swelling up.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
I'm not into watching sunsets, but I'd love to see you go down.
I'm just like a pore strip. Hard to get off, but extremely satisfying once you do.
Are those jeans Guess? Because guess who wants to be inside them.
That's it for our list of dirty pick-up lines! Be sure to check back with us soon for even more fun. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out.